Tuesday, 18 November 2008

• Currently Grandma's Boy (+ Digital Copy) By Shirley Jones, Shirley Knight, Abdoulaye N'Gom, Kevin Nealon, Doris Roberts see related

  Passing tidbits

  This entry actually derives from a private October 25th diddly (completed only in terms of #1-6), but I figured I'd add on some additional points before publishing for your viewing pleasure:
  

  1. Perspective is a really crazy thing.  It's amazing just what one can be so sure about in one period of life versus another down the road (replacing "amazing" with words like amusing, disturbing, uncanny, impressive, fitting).  I hate it when other factors of my life fuzz my foresight, and when I let blinders justify going against my first impressions.  But I guess it's always about living and learning.
     
  2. So much of life comes down to daily choices.  Every aspect, every choice, has its consequence, small or large.  What we seize or don't seize.  What we choose to say or don't.  How we think, live, grow...or not.  Sometimes it really all is in the details.  Of course, we can't get completely consumed by the small stuff either ("and it's all small stuff" as the story goes), or else we'll go nuts.  However, there is truly something to finding the balance in the everyday..."day by day...by day...by...day."
     
  3. Sometimes being an island is necessary.  Walls, coping mechanisms, boundaries...they all serve their purposes.  It's interesting how quick some people are to drop any number of these dividers when individuals are comfortable (myself included), especially when some of these walls actually serve a particular (if not practical) purpose.  It's hard to find the fine balance between being completely engaged in (i.e. inextricably passionate about) one's life and getting completely lost in it...(even losing oneself in it at the extreme).  Do we not, in a sense, let other people/the life we live become who we are, if we let down all of our walls without some sort of distance?  Do you define yourself through the way you are with, or through the eyes of, others...of how you actually see yourself?  (In that sense, empathy can be a dangerous thing when you stop and think about it.  If one takes away everything which separates him or herself from another, what difference is there between Person A and Person B?  What if Person A is seeking counsel from Person B and Person B lets go of the distance necessary to remain objective?)  Interesting stuff to chew on when one has the chance.
     
  4. We never have the world quite as figured out as we think.  Sometimes the more I think I know, the less I actually do.  Seems better to always be learning rather than claim the fallibility of expert status. 
     
  5. Defining the self based on lifestyle (or much of anything in particular) is a tricky thing.  (Inspired by #3.)  How many times have I heard someone say, "I live my life like [this]," defining him or herself by such an action or trait inherent to said lifestyle?  How many times have I caught myself falling into the same track?  I do [this], so therefore, I must be a [this-er/-ic/-ite/-ete/etc.].  But, if one day we slip up from that pattern, are we still a [fill-in-the-blank-er/-ic/-ite/-ete/etc.]?  It's hard telling.  How quick are we to say that someone else shouldn't be able to claim the same status?  Cannot someone who "puts others before him/herself" also be selfish?  Cannot an athlete be lazy?  An alcoholic sober?  A "Christian" do very "un-Christian" things?  And in terms of applying "terms" to oneself (athlete, alcoholic, Christian, etc.) is there not anything else to that person besides those classifications?  I fear some people never stop to ask...
     
  6. Having class for the sake of "having class" is waste of everyone's time.  A waste of teacher, student, parent, taxpaper, etc. time, really.  I hope to never have my lessons fall into this trap...and I despise my college courses which do.
  7. Keeping a secret is one thing, but trying to hide life-affecting ones is an entirely different story (especially when one isn't sure there's even much point to the hiding).  Ever find yourself in a spot when you want to shout something to the whole world or at least tell a good friend with a smile, but you're afraid of the consequences of hurting someone else?  I'm evidently someone who tends to find herself in such a position whenever something really great/big unfolds.  Then again, perhaps it's all in my head--that whatever it is that I have to say is going to be all that earth-shattering for someone else (it usually tends to be so not as big of a deal outside of my head).  But why is it I always feel guilty when something good happens?  I'll never forget the time sophomore year when I was the only one of my 3-person dorm room that got into ODK (leadership honor society that met with the University President, etc.)...and I actively participated in the group for a MONTH before I ever breathed a word to Mary and JoAnn, because they didn't get in and I thought it would make them more upset to know I did.  Silly, I know (they were happy for me in the end), but such avoidance has sadly applied to more than one circumstance in my life.  I never mind helping other people in their confrontation struggles, but can never seem to pull it off myself....though this time it really doesn't help that the person I really want/need to talk to is super busy.  Gah, I hate being afraid of hurting people's feelings.  But I suppose friends are usually understanding/supportive (at least eventually), or at least that's my hope/prayer these days.  Sometimes the worst stress/worry is self-imposed (and on that front, I am my own worst enemies).
     
  8. Practices can change as faiths are tested.  I don't even know how to practice mine anymore.  I sing, I pray(ish), savor nature, talk to people...talk to Fr. Bill and do the chuch thing.  But it's not the same and still makes me a little sad.  But maybe I should take it as a challenge to see where else I see/feel God?  I wish I could be as cool as Mother Teresa and still keep at things as adamently when I don't "feel" it.
  9. Grad School life is so much more like high school than I'd like to admit.  I just hope the real world isn't as well, because it gets so ridiculous sometimes.  (Then again, I laugh at this statement, because here I'm getting certified to teach high school...)  I greatly detest when people act out of spite, especially when it lends to the break-down of a group's higher cause.  Also, academia can be just as jading for people as I feared it could be.  Still determined not to become crass myself.  It's beginning to remind me of the time I started turning my back on medicine when I because disheartened about the people also pursuing the profession.
  10. The Golden Rule should be taught with more regularity in pre-school.  So should a lot of other things (being environmentally conscious, socially tolerant/understanding, religiously unassuming, and so on).
      
  11. Music (and writing + nature) will forever be what soothes my soul.  I hope I never forget.  And I wish I had more time to devote to such release(s) with others.  Bands (re: the music aspect) have so many variables, however.  Variables which typically lend themselves to great lapses in rehearsing.  Guess that's why one must always rely upon oneself when it comes down to it?
      
  12. It's dangerous to put everything on the shoulders of one person (even one's own, despite #11).  Being there for someone is one thing, but putting insane amounts of pressure of said individual is another.  I've been on the giving and the receiving end at various points, and I've decided that neither position is ideal.  I have friends now getting themselves into life or death meddlings and it scares the bejeebus out of me.  People are only meant to handle so much and seeking outside advice/help from someone actually trained in said matters isn't really a terrible thing (though society has painted it as such).
  13. I wish people were nicer to those in the food service industry (or any service or non-service capacity for that matter).  People are people and everyone has something to offer, whether or not they have a degree.  (I'm also saying this to remind myself as well.  I'm sure I've been less than friendly on occasion.)
      
  14. When it comes down to it, sometimes there are very few ways to properly convey a given message. 
      There are 171,476 words in the Oxford English Dictionary (2nd Ed.)
      currently in use today (minus street slang, obsolete words, and
      language-crossovers), yet I find myself repeating myself in certain
      situations way more than I'd prefer.  After a while, I have to stop and
      ask myself whether trying to find any other ways of communicating the
      message would even make a difference for certain audiences.  Words serve very little purpose when
      shot against brick walls.  After a while, actions speak much more effectively (if not louder or with more gusto, as in the case of a cannon).
      
  15. Change is exciting.  And it's scary.  Soon I'll have more friends moving on with their lives while I'm still in Kvegas...doing my grad school thing for all of eternity.  I pray this all pays off one day for a very rewarding (or at least worthwhile) career!  I also wish all those preparing for graduation and/or internships the very best of luck and happiness, but hopefully reading it in this forum wouldn't be their first hearing of such.  I'm also pretty excited about changes happening in my own life and can't wait to share as time moves on (see #7).  However, I also have various decisions to make in the meantime.
      
  16. Some people have a way of being automatic smile-makers.  Others, smile-breakers.  I wish more people thought about which category they were promoting, and I thank you special people out there who contribute to Category A.
  17. One can never be too old to collect stickers.  Or any number of childish things.  I'll hold on to my Beanie Baby collection until I die, hoping they're actually worth something after all the others have mysteriously been burned in random Beanie Baby kidnapping sprees (kidding).  But seriously, stickers = awesome.  Don't even deny it.  I still get excited when I see shiny or fuzzy animal stickers in Hallmark.
      
  18. Time is always a'ticking, even when we don't think it is.  Even at night when it feels like the hours are endless, the clock is moving.  Miles add up too (take my Honda, for example--purchased at about 46 or 48,000 miles...and now officially past 100,000).  And even a gray hair or two will transpire (holy crap, what?).
      
  19. And, you know, some lists will never feel quite done.  Much like the lists of books on my shelf to be read, pages of websites to look into, people to talk to and things to complete...they can always keep going, or, they can just pause.  And I think now is as good a time to stop as any, even though I'm sure it irks some of you to have this one end on an odd number. Cliff-hanger? Dun-dun-dun.
      

  
  

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