Monday, 29 September 2008

• Currently Reading Writing Alone and With Others By Pat Schneider see related

  Early mornings

  
  
  
  Been in the mood to play one of my favorite songs, and band practice isn't until Saturday, sooooo...perhaps you'll find it at least amusing, my silly whim.  (Hoping to actually redo it as a group or something eventually, just for kicks.)  I had recorded the piano layer on the baby grand back at home before classes started (hence the iffy start between the instruments), and the guitar part still needs a lot of work, but that's all right.  It's basically just missing the violin, but we'll save that for when I'm REALLY bored, ha.
  
  To clarify a bit...I recently joined a band with some guy friends here at school, so that's fun.  It's nice to make non-church music once in a while and get to play piano on a more regular basis.  Speaking of violins, they stumbled upon a pretty decent one in an antique shop on the square and found out that I used to halfway know how to play, so you can imagine who's excited for the new bow to come in on Thursday!  I'm sure it will not be a stellar start, but perhaps I can at least teach myself a bit more than I knew back when I was 12 or so...    (Don't worry, I got it checked out by a legit music store and they said it wasn't going to explode when I'm playing or anything, despite being way cheap, so that's uber exciting.)
  
  Life has been interesting as of late.  Plans keep changing.  Situations keep changing.  Classes keep getting more writing intensive and student-run.  Professional conferences are coming right up.  Breaks are approaching, as are weddings (and, consequently, wedding music-playing).
  
  Through it all, I find myself just going with the flow, which is a great challenge in general.  Staying more centered, focused, open.  Having conversations with complete strangers.  Taking photographs.  Reading for fun.  Sleeping.  Running.  Spending time alone and with others.  Trying not to spend very much time on the internet (the summer definitely helped).  Challenging myself to see my faith in new ways, since the old ways keep shedding away like tissue paper.  Walking to places and savoring the sunshine.  Not being so uptight.
  
  People around me (family, friends, etc.) keep worrying about me, which is flattering, but I'm not so sure the energy is well placed.  Sometimes things work out as we hope.  Sometimes they change and grow into new things, like shape-shifting transformers.  And it's all a part of life.  I try my best not to hurt others in the process, but I know I do anyway (which pains me to know), though such is clearly not my intention.  But now I'm really using this time to work on improving me.  Figuring out what it is I want, not just what others want.  In a sense, going back to the cliche bit of "finding myself," not that I ever lost it; not that I don't do enough introspection as it is.  But I'm still working on finding my adult self--who I really want to be as a human being (not just careers--that's basically in place in at least some form).
  
  I don't really expect answers or full resolution, as we're always growing and asking more and more questions.  But at least I'm enjoying asking the questions right now.  Life's not exactly how I imagined it would be right now, but the great majority is pretty grand.  I need to work on being more grateful for what I do have, instead of getting caught in the things I've lost or not received.  The chances I have yet to be able to take.  I know that if they are the right chances, my time will come and I'll get to show the world what I'm made of.  But for now, I write, I observe, I sing, I live, I experiment, I dive in where I can.  I breathe.
  
  Shalom.
  
  

  • 7:33 AM
  • 76 Views
  • 4 eProps
  • 3 Comments